


The Ghosts of Memories and the Secrets They Keep

by betheflame



Series: POTS Server Stocking Fills 2019 [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, M/M, Memory Loss, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-25 06:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21771466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betheflame/pseuds/betheflame
Summary: “What do you mean, ‘he doesn’t remember’,” Rhodey stared at Steve accusingly.“He doesn’t know who any of us are,” Steve replied, his calm voice disguising both the panic and the pain of the reality he was faced with. It had been bad enough pining for a man he could never have because of who they were. Now he was pining for a man who didn’t know who they were. “Correction, he knows who you are. But he thinks it’s 2000.”“He’s lost eighteen years,” Rhodey’s eyes popped wide and he began to pace. “So, he doesn’t remember…”
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: POTS Server Stocking Fills 2019 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1569040
Comments: 16
Kudos: 132
Collections: POTS (18+) Stony Stocking 2019





	The Ghosts of Memories and the Secrets They Keep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [willidothefandango (nagth)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagth/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [willidothefandango (nagth)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagth/pseuds/willidothefandango) in the [stony_stocking_2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/stony_stocking_2019) collection. 



> **Prompt:**  
>  (post-cacw) Tony has been caught by some bad guys, Nomad!Steve and his team manage to rescue him, but once they do Tony doesn't seem to remember anything after a year of becoming Iron man and Steve doesn't know how to deal with all of this. (give me the beard!)
> 
> Well, fan my dear, I hope this fits this bill! I definitely gave you the beard.

“What do you mean, ‘he doesn’t remember’,” Rhodey stared at Steve accusingly.

“He doesn’t know who any of us are,” Steve replied, his calm voice disguising both the panic and the pain of the reality he was faced with. It had been bad enough pining for a man he could never have because of who they were. Now he was pining for a man who didn’t _know_ who they were. “Correction, he knows who you are. But he thinks it’s 2000.”

“He’s lost eighteen years,” Rhodey’s eyes popped wide and he began to pace. “So, he doesn’t remember…”

“My sister is investigating the brain scans now,” T’Challa offered from the corner. “She is confident she can correct this.”

Rhodey spun. “Your Highness, is your sister confident because she’s a teenager whose genius is unsurpassed or because she can actually fix this?”

T’Challa’s mouth quirked into a smile. “I believe those are the same thing, Colonel.”

Five days before this conversation, Steve and the rest of the exiled Avengers had gotten a message from Rhodey through T’Challa that Tony had been kidnapped. Pepper said it all reminded her too much of Obie and Afghanistan and Friday had traced the suit’s last known whereabouts to a remote part of Cambodia and he’d already been gone for two weeks so could they possibly go?

The only one who had protested for even a second was Wanda.

The extraction had been simple, really, because when you have a rage-fueled super soldier leading the charge, things go quickly. Tony had been completely unconscious when they found him, chained to a wall and clad only in a soiled pair of underwear, and the noise that Steve let out had been all Nat had needed to confirm the man’s feelings for their former teammate.

They’d gotten back to Wakanda and had been met by a very scared looking teenager none of them recognized, a furious Rhodey, and a Bucky who was stress baking - all of which were a surprise.

_“Is that rugelach?” Nat asked as the same time that Sam asked who the kid was._

_Bucky nodded. “That’s Peter and this is rugelach, and I’m Bucky, now that we’ve all met, does someone want to tell me why Stevie is gripping the billionaire whose life I fucked like they’re fucking married?”_

_“So, Shuri’s procedure worked,” Sam remarked dryly to Clint._

Tony had been immediately transferred to medical where he was diagnosed with severe dehydration and malnutrition. He was basically in a coma already, one of the Wakandan doctors explained, but they were going to keep him in one to let his body heal. So for five days, Steve had sat vigil at his bedside, waiting for Tony to wake up.

And now….

“So what do we do?” Nat’s voice was firm and Steve was grateful for her pragmatism.

“The doctors said we should go along with it,” Steve replied, his voice catching slightly. “So to not cause him panic until they can wean him off a few of the drugs.”

“Who does he think you are?” Rhodey pressed. “And where does he think he is?”

“Well, he knows he’s been in an accident with the suit and he’s in Wakanda, which thankfully Howard told him stories about, so we’re clear there,” Steve said as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “He thinks I’m the American Ambassador to Wakanda.”

Bucky started howling with laughter so loudly that Peter fell out of his chair from the shock of it. “You,” Bucky weezed, “an ambassador.”

Steve glared at his best friend. “You know, there are pieces of our lives before the war that Shuri did not need to resurrect.”

“Nope,” Bucky popped the ‘p’ and grinned. “I remember everything, pal. And if you’re an ambassador, I’m the damn Prince of England. You gonna set him straight before he witnesses your type of diplomacy?”

“What’s his type of diplomacy?” Peter stage-whispered as he clammored back onto his chair.

“Stevie is a street brawler,” Bucky addressed him. “Fists first, questions later.”

“It’s why he and Stark hate each other,” Clint said around a mouthful of sandwich.

“Hated,” Nat interrupted to correct, staring directly at Steve, who nodded once. She continued, “what do you want from us?”

“Shuri will guide you all from here,” T’Challa answered for Steve, saving him from having to answer Nat’s weighted question.

_I want…_ He thought as the conversation shifted to other topics as they waited for Shuri to arrive with the results of the scans. _I wanted a chance to rewrite the last 18 months, but not the last 18 years._

* * *

“So, they tell me you’re not the American Ambassador,” Tony wiggled his eyebrows at Steve three days later once they’d received the all clear to let Tony know it was 2018.

Steve smiled as he took his seat next to Tony’s bed. Shuri had brought several computer terminals into Tony’s room so that he could futz around, but no one was letting him out of bed until the entire medical team deemed it possible. “No, I’m not.”

“The scary ginger told me to ask you about a tape?”

_Fuck you, Natasha,_ Steve thought. “Shuri thinks that if we ask you about some pivotal moments in your life, your memory will jog,” Steve replied, worrying his lip. “But that’s a pretty big one.”

“Well, fuzzy face, hit me,” Tony’s eyes were wide and earnest, a version of him that Steve hadn’t seen in years and was so close to the man he’d fallen in love with that his breath caught. “Oh, that bad?”

Steve smiled wryly. “You and I haven’t spoken in 18 months because of that tape.”

“Why?”

“Because I made the biggest mistake of my life,” Steve said, looking at his hands. “I let a misguided idea blind me to reality and I forgot who we were.”

“In English?”

Steve laughed and looked up at Tony, whose eyes were wary. “I lied to you about something I shouldn’t have because I thought I was protecting you.”

“I don’t need protecting,” Tony snapped back quickly, and then his hand flew to his mouth. “I’ve said that before.”

Steve nodded, locked eyes with Tony and continued. “You said it a lot.”

“Why?”

“Because I tend to forget.”

“Why?”

“You never used to ask that,” Steve replied. “You asked ‘why’ of the universe but never of any of us.”

Tony was silent. “Right now, as I sit here, the universe makes sense. None of you do. Why do you forget that I don’t need to be protected?”

Steve took a deep breath. You cannot rewrite the past, but you can set up a new future. Speak now or forever hold your peace, coward. “For two reasons. First, I have a bit of a thing about protecting people. Kind of a passion you might say.”

“Captain America has a brand to protect,” Tony replied. “I don’t remember the beard, but I have to say it’s an improvement.”

Steve laughed. “You haven’t seen it until now. It’s new.”

“You should keep it,” Tony replied. “Second reason?”

“I protect those I love. I don’t know any other way to do it. And I have loved you for a long time,” he finished on a whisper.

Tony blinked a few times. “You’ve never told me that.”

_Not while you were conscious._ Steve shook his head slowly and rasped out, “I was too scared to and then I lost you.”

Tony blinked a few times again and then shook his head. “I’m right here.”

“Oh, but once you remember why you left me, you won’t be,” Steve’s mouth quirked into a sad smile. “And I’ll deserve it.”

Tony opened his mouth to say something and then Steve held up his hand. “To answer your question, the tape was about your parents and Bucky. Knowing your masterpiece of a brain, you’ll fill in the rest quickly and I can’t live through that all over again, I just can’t.”

He left quickly before Tony could respond any further.

* * *

“YOU SON OF A BITCH,” Tony roared five days later as he hobbled into the gym where Bucky and Steve were sparring. His physical strength was still returning, but his mental acuity had been restored quickly.

“Time to pay the piper,” Bucky muttered and cocked an eyebrow.

“Tony,” Steve sighed. “You remember.”

“I do, in fact,” Tony replied. “I remember the last 18 years, the last 18 months, and the last 18 days. You know what’s even better? Thanks to Shuri’s magic voodoo, I have some memories of what was said to me when I was in a coma, and so I know you are a coward.”

“I know,” Steve nodded. “I’ll leave.” He heard Bucky swear in the background that he was a moron.

“What? No,” Tony shook his head. “No leaving. Not until we settle this.”

“I lied to you,” Steve replied.

“About?”

“About Bucky and your parents and the tape,” Steve said slowly.

“Right, I know that, I’m over that,” Tony waved his hand. “Did you lie about anything else?”

“You’re over that?” Steve breathed.

“Keep up, Capsicle,” Tony gritted out and clapped his hands to emphasize each word. “Did you lie about anything else?”

“No,” Steve shook his head. “Not to you.”

“So you love me?” Tony stepped closer. “You’ve been in love with me since just after the Chitauri and you never wanted to get in the way of me and Pepper so you didn’t say anything? Yes?”

Steve felt his stomach drop, but he forced out a ‘yes’.

“Thank fuck,” Tony said as he grabbed the front of Steve’s shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. “Thank fuck.”

The pair kept kissing - vaguely registering Bucky's declaration of _congratulations, but I'm getting out of here before pants come off'_ \- for a while until Steve broke the kiss and leaned his forehead to Tony's. "You love me?"

"I do. I really do, and I don't want to ever forget you again," Tony whispered.

"I don't want you to, either," Steve confessed. "And I never want to keep secrets from you again."

Tony nodded. "We have some work to do."

Steve kissed him gently. "But it's work I want to do."

"Me too," Tony replied. "So let's get started."

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/betheflame1) or [Tumblr](http://betheflame.tumblr.com) for more on these yahoos. You can also submit prompts and cajole me into writing faster - it usually works. If you're on Discord, I'm definitely there, too, and probably hanging in the [Stony](https://discord.gg/z5WSqbS) or [Stuckony](https://discord.gg/jtXcc3n) servers.


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